We all just want to be heard

"Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said." -Mark Twain

Recently I've gathered opinions from enough people to see that a lack of communication is ultimately the downfall in any failed relationship.

Not long ago, I was told that people with severe eating disorders - specifically those that are not fully functional - have difficulty in their relationships. There's a lack of trust, a lack of communication, a lack of sharing emotions etc... But if you ask me, that sounds like the average failed relationship regardless if there is any eating disorder issue involved.

People think they communicate but they don't always do it well. Sure you tell you partner everything about your day and you tell them your secrets in life but the question remains....Is it true that what they don't know, won't hurt them? ...Or will it? Do you really avoid conflict by avoiding a conflict? No, I don't think so.

Most people do avoid confrontation but I really believe that the truth somehow always comes out and it's ten times worse knowing information was withheld from you when it does come out. And by avoiding a conflict, you're not avoiding the negative energy of a situation. It doesn't disappear. It builds inside you and even if you're lying to someone, you yourself will know the truth and with that comes guilt.

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm blogging about this topic and the truth is, over the years I've grown less and less tolerant of passive-aggressive people. It comes in part with the ability to see things realistically.

For example, if I can see myself as I really am, I can accept that and be honest with myself about it.

It's funny how some days I can feel very attractive and with that confidence, attention follows. But other days, negative feelings follow- the uncertainty I have about who I am, where I'm going and most often what I really look like.

If we can't truly see ourselves, we rely on what others tell us. It's odd to me how I get only positive reinforcements and still I sometimes struggle to see it in myself.

The propaganda in this world, the ideals and the hegemonic values we make our way through are stunting our truth. The truth we feel we can reveal to others and the truth we reveal to ourselves.

More often than not, we censor our expressions to avoid conflict. But in turn we wind up in awkward situations because people like have answers and closure. That's probably why the TV show "Moment of Truth" is the latest trend in reality TV.



Can people really not handle the truth? Sure if you've done something wrong, you don't like to admit but what if it wasn't something you've done wrong? What if it's just facts. So what if someone hears something they don't want to hear?! Maybe it's something they should come to terms with. And so what if it causes an argument? Because that too can be resolved with communication.

Also, people like to be humble for fear of being labelled as arrogant. But being honest about yourself doesn't mean you have to be arrogant- so long as you recognize your faults as well.

What I notice now is that a relationship doesn't excel or fail because of baggage one brings with them. It will survive only on the basis of true, straightforward communication - and that just might be, the secret to life.