Selective Learning

Why do we learn selectively?

If you burn your tongue on a hot drink, you'll think twice next time and wait for it to cool down, right? So, when it comes to dieting, why do we let ourselves get burned over and over again?

We're told by the diet industry that the latest fad diet is the secret to success. There are countless programs, pills, machines, books out there claiming to be a weight loss miracle yet time and time again we fail at losing weight. And we don't learn from it! Logically, when something doesn't work over and over again, we tend to rationalize the problem and come to terms with it. But with dieting, we never seem to rationalize. We forget that it is possible that we're not all meant to be a size 6 and we blame ourselves for not keeping it off....and then try again, only to have the same yo-yo effect.

It took me a long time to realize that my weight, just like my height or eye color, cannot be drastically changed (and maintained) due to genetics. I tried about 4 or 5 diets and they've all been temporary results. And as time went by, I got bigger and bigger because I was playing with my metabolism.

The same seems to apply to relationships. It takes us a long time to learn from our mistakes as we continue to date what appears to be the same personalities. Is the burn from a hot stove not the same as a burn from a combusted relationship? I wonder.... what makes us learn faster some times and not others?

I understand that we can continue to be attracted to the same type of personality, only because certain qualities are appealing to us on first impact. And it seems as though we get suckered into the immediacy of the qualities rather than consider the long term effects. Take for example that I've learned that a flirty guy is not good for me. Although that took some time to ingrain, I realize now that a man's ability to be overly flirty, is flattering to me in the moment because it's an instant gratification of my personal desire for my partner to be attentive. But I need attentiveness in the long run... and instead, I end up with men that are in need of constant attention, often leading to flirting with others....and so on. A lesson well learned though and for that reason, I have no regrets. But again, why did it take me 2 failed long term relationships to discover this? And for that matter, 25 years and numerous of failed attempts, to put two and two together about my weight and dieting?!

The good news is, at least now I know and I can add this to my mental checklist. And it's all part of my resolution this year as I maintain my vow to learn faster.