Having Faith is the Key

On Saturday, I had a break through... i think. I was sitting home alone (not something I usually do on a Sat night) and for once, I had too much time on my hands. So, I watched some movies.
But it hit me! I wasn't snacking and I had no desire to!

Maybe this is it. Maybe, I've hit that magic place I've been hoping to get to.

The path to recovery started with me having to: stop purging, stop over-exercising, not restricting food intake. Then eating three meals, healthy foods and proper/full portions. From that, I would gain weight of course but hopefully have no desire to binge - that's the point of satiety. Then, the body re-adjusts its metabolism (that I've long damaged from yo-yo dieting and bulimic episodes) and gains trust in my routine healthy eating allowing me to let go of the weight it's been holding on to because it didn't trust that I wouldn't starve or restrict myself again.

After being on the first leg of the race since August 2007, I feel like I may have finally graduated to the second part: satiety. On Saturday, I felt it - I didn't want to binge or mindlessly snack because I was bored, alone or in front of a TV.

I have to admit it's been a rough 5 months and my therapist told me it would take at least 6 to re-adjust a metabolism. But after having blind faith for so long, maybe this is all actually really working for me.

I'm still keeping a food diary and that helps me to track how i feel throughout the day. I've discovered that for me, breakfast is my make-it or break-it meal. If I don't eat a proper breakfast, my whole day is off track and I'm usually really hungry by the end of the day (potential for binging).

Believe it or not, I've gained 20lbs on this journey to recovery. But it's not like this hasn't been a struggle. I hated gaining every pound. It just goes to show that I was below my set-point weight for a while - my body fiercely fought back by packing it back on. I fell off the wagon a few times. Of course, along the way, I binged when I shouldn't have but at least I didn't purge. And so I may be at the end of my set point weight now. And really, all I have to do is keep exercising three times a week, chose healthy foods and let my body settle at it's natural weight - the weight i can't escape, the weight I'm meant to be at. Easier said than done, right? I still feel awful at times and tempted by foolish diets and gimmicks but I'm aware it's a constant battle and there will be ups and downs to overcome. I've come this far, I have to go all the way. I'm anxious to see what will happen next.